Untangling from what you’ve been told you are supposed to be can be very challenging. I can’t say that I have mastered it yet, but every day I make baby steps in the right direction. In my previous post I shared the decluttering process we had been going through in so many different areas of our lives. Decluttering the mind is unique because it’s something that isn’t done just one time. It takes work. Every. Single. Day.
I would actually say I am a glass half full/optimist. However, the inner workings of my mind were deeply tangled. To the outside world I am typically cheerful and enthusiastic, but in my mind I am so very hard on myself. For the vast majority of my life I lived to please others…to please the world. On the outside, everything appeared just right. I had checked all the boxes society tells us are important. However, there was still this big void inside.
No matter how successful I was at work, I still second guessed myself. No matter how many accolades or dollars made, I still yearned for more. The decluttering of the mind started with lightening the load on my schedule. I needed time for my mind to be able to shut down. I had every second filled before. Always somewhere to be or something that needed to be done. Creating space in my schedule allowed me to have some idle time for my mind to unwind.
When you’re a pleaser, you become a slave to everyone else’s opinions of who you should be or what you should do. In the process of doing so, you lose yourself. Since having my son, I took so many steps backwards in the pleasing department until I finally got out of the fog and reprioritized my time. Getting more rooted in my faith during these times is what helped me get grounded as a mom. Spending quiet time with God helped me tackle the day. When I got too busy and skipped this time I felt it. It’s so hard to make time for yourself, but self care is critical to inner peace and an untangled mind.
The world speaks at such a high volume about who you should be. As self aware as I’d say I am, it’s still so challenging to tune out the demands of society. We are so programmed to think and be a certain way that it’s hard to find your true north. At some point you realize you cannot control these external factors. I’ve had to take breaks from social media here and there to tune out some of the chaos.
No matter what shifts I made to my schedule, I still found myself struggling to be the mom, wife, daughter, and friend I wanted to be while I was balancing a demanding career. After much meditation and prayer, I decided to step back from my 20 year career in advertising so that I can focus on my family. It was so hard arriving at this decision as I have had so many amazing moments over the years. I have had colleagues who turned into friends who feel like family as well as customers who will remain lifelong friends.
I am very excited about this next chapter. It’s truly uncharted territory and I am certain there will be more untangling of the mind. In life we have to make bold decisions if we want things to change.
